Hello, lovely Soul Drop! Yes, I'm still alive! Somehow...
As usual, I'll be super honest about this. Ever since I was a child I have fought with my inner demons and the darkness within. Now that October is here I was reminded of how my relationship with Halloween evolved relates to this inner battle.
At first, I absolutely adored the celebration! I didn't care about how much I enjoyed the dark themes of the season so I relaxed and had fun. Soon enough my empathetic self realized that I could truly hurt others! And that true monsters are found inside of us, not under the bed. That thought made me fear my capacity of not only manipulating other's thoughts and emotions with words but my personality itself. That mixed with some elements of my past made me terrified of myself! So, I started hating on the celebration of Halloween to hide my true fears.
A few years ago I started accepting my tendency to be able to write incredibly dark and twisted tales, enjoy of scary novels and even watch some gory or horror anime. My love for Halloween was born again! As I type these words I'm excited about the beginning of October and everything it implies.
Am I still afraid of the dark? Yes, very much so.
But I'm working on it!
I still debate with my husband and friends how I really do deserve love despite of all the darkness I carry within. Funny thing is that I would never say they don't deserve it even though I know their shadows very well, I just believe mine are darker. In reality, we all have darkness within! We're made of light so we cast shadows.
I'm trying to fall in love with darkness without being afraid that will turn me into an evil being. I enjoy drama and bloodbaths in stories, so what? As long as I don't go about life actually killing people I haven't done anything bad. Or at least I'm striving to understand that. Darkness, sadness, fear, pain, they all have a beautiful side that's hard to see. Just as darkness makes light shine brighter, sad moments can make the happy ones stronger, fear can keep us safe and help us grow and pain can teach us about where to go. Slowly I'll come to terms with my own shadows, learning how to use them in my favor and help others since that's my true passion.
How do you deal with darkness?
Thank you so much for reading!
Welcome, October!
With much love, Bel.