Hello, Lovely Soul Drop!! How are you feeling?
I usually don’t care or talk about celebrities, I was never one to watch the Oscars or remember movie stars. However, a few famous people stole my heart and even though they weren’t my main role models I had a general positive view of them. One of them was Johnny Depp and I named him as my favorite actor without a doubt. Now I have other actors I also admire, but my affection for him is still quite alive.
The Amber Heard VS Johnny Depp trial has brought a very real issue to the light. The fact that sometimes the abuser is a woman and the abused a man. I have always shared my view on sexism and how it hurts both sexes not only women, and yet most people see the entire female sex as victims and the male one as the perpetrators. Are men naturally more violent than women? Yes, they have higher levels of testosterone, the fighting hormone. However, men suicide way more than women do, and they are far less likely to share if they were abused because others mock them or don’t believe them.
“Compared to women, men are three times more likely to die by suicide in Australia, 3.5 times more likely in the US and more than four times more likely in Russia and Argentina. WHO’s data show that nearly 40% of countries have more than 15 suicide deaths per 100,000 men; only 1.5% show a rate that high for women.” (Schumacher, 2019)
Even being a man in itself is a risk factor!
Research has found some key risk factors for suicide in those who engage in self-harming behavior including:7
Being a man
Physical health problems
Previous episodes of self-harm
Suicidal intent
(Schimelpfening, 2022)
In 2020, men died by suicide 3.88x more than women.
Only 4.4% of victims of domestic abuse being supporting by local domestic services are men according to SafeLives data. This highlights how few men are being supported for local domestic abuse services.
Researchers have found that at least 1 in 6 men have experienced sexual abuse or assault, whether in childhood or as adults. And this is probably a low estimate, since it doesn’t include noncontact experiences, which can also have lasting negative effects. If you’ve had such an experience, or think you might have, you are not alone.
I began crying while writing this because I am an Empath. I deeply feel other people’s pain and suffering. Sexism hurts men too! Why is it that we aren’t fighting to empower them too? Is this case finally going to start convincing people men need respect, love, and empowerment as much as us women do? It’s not one vs the other. We are together in this.
Male victims of abuse are as valid as female victims. Phrases like “All men are trash” “All men are pigs” “Believe all women” “Mens tears” “Toxic masculinity” do nothing to help us as a society. Now some media outlets want to cry that people are bullying Amber because she revealed herself as an abuser. I don’t agree with anyone sending her hate, death threats, and even less to her baby…but she is a public figure and sadly her ugly side was revealed. I don’t wish her suffering, I hope she can grow and change as a human. I don’t think we get a free pass to attack someone because they are abusers…however, calling her an abuser is not bullying or an attack. It’s what her trial has revealed with lots of proof.
I don’t call myself a feminist because I prefer my label to include both sexes, I’m a humanist. I fight for all victims to receive the help they need. I want our societies to grow and succeed. So why not support our men? Women womansplain too, toxic femininity exists. Women are not inherently good or bad, we are not angels just for being women. Men are not inherently good or bad, they aren’t demons just for being men. We are defined by our actions and our hearts. I’m sick and tired of looking men being attacked as a whole just like women were. Equality? Some are fighting for female superiority. A woman can do anything a man can do, that includes rape, murder, abuse, and becoming a monster.
Men suffer, men are victims of their own sex based stigma and we should be getting rid of it as much as we fight for us women to be able to thrive as much as we can. Men aren’t our enemies, evil men are. Every human deserves rights even when they don’t respect other people’s rights. Both sexes deserve equal rights and that means helping our boys and men thrive, empower them, and stop demonizing them. I always feel compassion for everyone, but many are now feeling compassion for Amber as an abuser when they were just fine attacking Depp. Double standards everywhere.
I want to have children. Regardless of their sex I want them to be able to have many opportunities to thrive, and they are free to choose who they wish to be. If I have a masculine boy as a son I’ll be happy, if I have a masculine girl as a daughter I’ll be happy, I’ll be happy with a femenine girl or a femenine boy. I just hope for them to be healthy and to love them as much as I can for who they are. I won’t teach my boys “be kind to girls” or only teach my girls to chase their dreams. I will teach them their value is not in banal things like sex, sexuality, color, age or health (whether they are disabled or not, mentally ill or not). They are worthy of love because they are wonderful human beings. I don’t know them yet, but I'm sure I’ll be so proud of them for just existing.
That 's my dream. A world where people talk with one another, have empathy, and understand nothing is as black and white as they think. Here are my resources and some videos you should watch or show others to raise awareness on men’s issues.
1 in 6 (n.d.) The 1 in 6 Statistic. Retrieved from: https://1in6.org/get-information/the-1-in-6-statistic/
American Foundation of Suicide Prevention (n.d.) Suicide Statistics. Retrevied from: https://afsp.org/suicide-statistics/
Schimelpfening, N. (2022) Differences in Suicide Among Men and Women. Retrieved from: https://www.verywellmind.com/gender-differences-in-suicide-methods-1067508
Schumacher,H. (2019) In countries around the world, women are more likely to be diagnosed with depression and to attempt suicide. So why is the male suicide rate still several times higher than female? https://www.bbc.com/future/article/20190313-why-more-men-kill-themselves-than-women
ManKind Initiative (n.d.) Statistics on Male Victims of Domestic Abuse. Retrieved from: https://www.mankind.org.uk/statistics/statistics-on-male-victims-of-domestic-abuse/
Thank you for reading!!
Podcast episodes:
Let's Connect Monday: https://anchor.fm/bellemoon99/episodes/Lets-Connect-Monday-88--3-tips-to-have-a-better-day-e1j90l3
Let's be Kind Thursday: https://anchor.fm/bellemoon99/episodes/Lets-be-Kind-Thursday-81--Enough-as-I-am-e1ion17