Hello, Lovely Soul Drop!! How are you??
I would say I’m fine, but I didn’t create a blog to be dishonest. This is Kind Connections, and how could we connect with me hiding how I feel? As an author and an artist I have vowed to get comfortable with being vulnerable in front of you. Welcome to my insides, welcome to my raw essence, and welcome to the truth I’m finding out every single day.
I’m not fine, but I will be. I’m crushed, in a lot of pain, I feel angry, but I’m also hopeful. As I type these words I’m moving my head to a playlist of FNAF inspired songs. Just like one of the songs says “I’m dead, but not buried”. I might be struggling, yet this isn’t the end of me. The flames inside my soul are burning bright and loud. The voice in the back of my mind is yelling that I give up, that I’m not enough to push through, and that I should allow myself to fade away. I won’t give in.
Everyone goes through battles like this, so I know right now many others are struggling by my side. I wish I could give each and every of you the encouragement you need to move forward. I want to remind you why it’s worth fighting right now, and why you should hang on. I feel like I’m standing on a tightrope all the time. One second I’m soaring and the next I’m free falling. Isn’t it painful? It’s like we’re drowning and no one else can see.
Please don’t get me wrong. I’m no victim! I’m a warrior. I don’t want anyone to pity me. I just want others to know they are not aliens, they’re not monsters unfit for this world. We’re never alone in our pain, and we’re never alone in our joy. I feel like screaming until my lungs explode, there’s a choir of banshees blaring my grey matter out of my ears, and yet I also feel like dancing.
Isn’t it insane? I feel like my reality is burning right in front of my eyes, yet the fire looks so gorgeous. I’m ready to break, I’m ready to burn away to rise from the ashes once again. I know I’m not safe on this tightrope. I’m painfully aware of the winds of change, the earthquakes that come out of nowhere shaking us to our very cores, and the sweat inducing fright of looking down at the abyss. I know I’ll lose my balance over and over again. I don’t need to search for pain, it knows my address by heart.
This post is messy, my mind is racing, and I forgot where the point of it all was. I don’t care, because this is our beauty. The people I admire and love the most aren’t hyper famous billionaires or geniuses immortalized by the halls of fame. Not even the famous ones are superstars in the popular sense. Lady Starsan, Michelle McDaniel, Africa Brooke, Leilah Isaac, Ross Young, Seerut K. Chawla, Josh Sundquist, Marcus (theoffensivetranny), Arielle Scarcella, BuckAngel, Sydney Watson, Grace (Retro_Phant0m) MatPat, Ashley Clark, Laura Frost, Monty, Danielle Lee,CFS Superhero,Sac Draws, Jordan Duncan, Rebecca Condon, Kelly Miller, Delacroix, Pablo Vásquez, HeeyItsAria, Xenofart (just a few of the ones on the top of my head) my mom, my friends, my husband…maybe you know them, maybe you don’t, but they are my idols. Their beauty is that all of them are broken and remade. They have struggled and built themselves back up. They are authentic, they are real, and they are as human as you can get.
I’m just like all of you. I was broken, and I built myself back up. I don’t care if I must fall apart…I know I can always build something better, something new, something beautiful, because I’ll make it so. My blog isn’t known by many people, and my podcast isn’t listened to by many, but if it helps a single person that’s more than enough. I might not be a superstar, but I’m shining just like you are. We’re made of stardust, and we have light. Kintsugi is the Japanese art of putting something back together with gold to show things are more beautiful after being broken, just like us.
We might never know how bright our light truly was, but even if it’s really dim…it makes the world a little brighter. You make the world a little happier, a little more beautiful, a little better. That’s more than enough.
Thank you for reading
With all of my love,
Belle Moon.
Podcast episodes:
Let’s Connect Monday: https://anchor.fm/bellemoon99/episodes/Lets-Connect-Monday-86--How-to-love-Mondays-e1ijkfh
Let’s be Kind Thursday: https://anchor.fm/bellemoon99/episodes/Lets-be-Kind-Thursday-80--Next-step-e1ie831