Hello, Lovely Soul Drop!! How have you been?
When people ask me that I always automatically reply that I’m alright and that everything is perfect. However, if I truly think about it…the answer is far more complex. Most things are.
Am I alright? I’m in constant pain, I’m tired all the time, I’m excited about my work, I’m loved, I’m anxious…I feel a thousand emotions all at once. Right now, I’m learning how to cope with a defense mechanism called “splitting” in which my mind will split or divide people into monsters and angels. When I split I can’t integrate all the different characteristics of people or events into a single concept. It ends up with me seeing things as either all bad or all good.
This black and white thinking is useless if I wish to understand the world, others, and myself. I have darkness and light at the same time. I feel happiness and sadness at the same time. Contradictory emotions and concepts collide in my mind and chest. They both exist simultaneously! My mother can drive me insane, and she can be hurtful…but she adores me and is so loving to me. I can be positive while still despairing from time to time. I am disabled, but I am also super capable and strong.
This is why Daoism made me feel right at home. Yin and yang, we can’t have one without the other. Western society tends to lean towards black and white thinking. We grow up with stories filled with flat characters that are either heroes or evil. “Who is the bad guy of the movie?” I asked my father as we watched a movie about Pearl Harbor. I was too young to be watching that movie, but he had a hard time saying no to my cute princess face. He explained that there are no good or bad people in wars because both sides are heroes in their eyes and are fighting for their own ideals. Everyone loses in war.
We separate people into groups, label them and try to simplify their existence into a few words our brain can comprehend. However, this rarely helps to understand anyone. Is religion good or bad? It depends on who practices it and how they interpret their faith. Are guns good or bad? Who is holding it and for what purpose? When we generalize we are forgetting the complexity of human nature. We also do this in our daily lives, with our loved ones, and with ourselves.
When my friend doesn’t reply to my text I might feel like they are a bad friend or that maybe they don’t love me anymore, yet they could be busy or forgot to answer. When I fight with my partner I might see them as a monster trying to hurt me, nevertheless, he is a kind wonderful man who loves me madly. Am I a good person? Sometimes I enjoy watching others suffer, sometimes I want to hurt others, sometimes I wish I could be violent, and sometimes I yell, insult others, and act selfishly. Sometimes I’m irresponsible, immature, petty, impulsive, irrational, arrogant…yes that’s all true. On the other hand, I’m constantly trying to grow as a human being, help others, and learn from my mistakes. I’m kind, tolerant, patient, calm, loving, cheerful, funny…yes, I also have light.
Embracing all sides of ourselves and of those we love can be tricky. We’re not used to complexity, and that duality is a natural part of life. We can be both good and evil at the same time. My life is filled with pain but it’s also filled with joy, happiness, and magic. Today we might be fighters, and tomorrow we might be broken. We change, we evolve, and we are never static. Instead of reducing ourselves to labels that can’t fully wrap around our complex nature, why don’t we accept we are never going to fully understand or know the world, others, and ourselves?
Today, I’m alright with not knowing the answer. I accept my life is horribly wonderful, I embrace my sad smiles and my happy tears. Life is such an oxymoron, and so are we.
Thank you so much for reading!! Share, like, and leave a comment if you liked it!
Podcast episodes:
Let's Connect Monday: https://anchor.fm/bellemoon99/episodes/Lets-Connect-Monday-91--Find-your-way-e1k7kut
Let's be Kind Thursday: https://anchor.fm/bellemoon99/episodes/Lets-Connect-Thursday-83--Self-love-is-never-pity-e1k1e76