Hello, Lovely Soul Drop!! How are you doing??
Today I wanted to share to you another of my opinions on the LGBT community: the lack of Philautia in it. Philautia, according to the Ancient Greeks, means self-love. I believe the community is extremely lacking on this type of love. Why? Hear me out.
Despite the Pride movement being all about love and self-love I have noticed that a lot of people within the community seek outside validation and are extremely insecure. I was one of them! When I was 13 I used to present myself as “I’m Bel the bisexual”. I HAD to tell people my sexuality and would feel deeply offended if they said either that “it was a phase” or “I was a closeted lesbian” or “that’s a mistake from nature” …I allowed those words to control my life, my mental health, and my self-image.
I was an extremely insecure young girl who needed validation from everyone to feel like she was worthy. I had therapy (I still have it) and years later I am way more confident which has allowed me to see how my insecurities were making me so vulnerable to everyone else’s opinions. No one can make me feel anything if I don’t allow them. I am not a victim, I am free, and I want to fight for a better life for everyone. That means I’ve earned my Philautia.
Today’s society is all about victimhood mentality which amplifies problems instead of solutions. Due to my sex, sexuality, race, mental health, nationality, and even my personality I have faced bullying and discrimination in all of its forms. Does that make me a victim? Not really. I see myself as a warrior, a learner of life, and someone who can take her life in her own hands. I don’t go around complaining about “micro-aggressions”” and allowing the idiot who is attacking me to have my self-worth on his hands.
I know it hurts, and it’s alright if it does because we are human. However, it’s our choice to allow the pain to make us stronger or give in. I needed help, I needed support, I needed therapy and even medication! But I made it. I’m still working on myself and the more I do, the easier it is to love myself regardless of what other people say. You are not empowering anyone by pushing them to care about how others perceive them or forcing society to see you as you see yourself.
One of the best people I know is a trans man whom I met at my music classes. He came out as trans one day and we all started using the male pronouns and his new name. I tend to confuse the words “she” and “he” A LOT and when I misgendered him I felt awful. He smiled and told me he didn’t mind anymore. He would correct me and that’s it. I asked him what would happen if someone refused to use the proper nouns and he explained that if someone was an idiot he would just ignore them and move on. He knows who he is and needs no outside validation. Does it hurt sometimes? Yes, it does. Yet, he knows he can’t give them more power than needed.
I have met more people like him and the more I do the more I realize we can be true warriors instead of victims. We all need more of Philautia. Thanks to my unpopular views and going against mainstream media I have lost a lot of “friends” who decided I was the devil because I disagreed with them. I cried for many days until I understood I had the right kind of friendships by my sides. A wonderful loving mother, a loving husband, a sweet cat, and many people who support me.
I’m not afraid anymore and I won’t give my validation to other people. I am the only one who can determine my value, and so are you. You are free to take responsibility for your life and ignore as much as you can those who hurt you.
I want a society in which we’re free to live and let live. As long as you don’t physically hurt me and just insult me on the Internet or maybe on the streets you can’t truly touch me, not if I don’t allow it. I don’t care if someone thinks I’m bad for being Venezuelan, I don’t care if you think bisexuality isn’t real, I don’t care if a man or woman thinks I’m stupid, I don’t care. There are way bigger issues like LGBT people being killed in the Middle East, men being abused and not being listened to, kids suffering from physical violence at their homes and at school, pedophilia, etc. I don’t have time for the “micro-aggressions” or the guy who doesn’t want to bake my best friend and her girlfriend a cake.
I hope this was thought provoking! Here are my two latest podcast episodes. Thank you for reading:
Time to be yourself: https://anchor.fm/bellemoon99/episodes/Lets-Connect-Monday-58--Time-to-be-yourself-e136o4t