Hello, Lovely Soul Drop!
The new single by Tom McDonald dropped this Friday, and as usual I love it!! I will probably comment on other of his songs because he is my favorite rapper (Actually, the only one I like). He writes songs that touch your heart, he raps facts, and shares a smart way to see life in a fun talented way. However, Withdrawals is personal for me. As I write this I have been sober for 10 days 4 hours 11 minutes. I track my self-harm addiction with an app called I Am Sober, and I have been using it for months now. The more time I spend sober, the harder it gets.
Even though the two addictions I’m tracking are self-harm and social media, I’m aware I have way more than those. I have run away from addictive substances due to my addictive personality. I easily obsess, lose sight of my goals, and fall down a self-sabotaging spiral. Thanks to this awareness I’ve been able to shift my energy in fixing my current addictions while avoiding new ones.
I believe everyone has their own addiction. We can fall prey to a thousand different obsessions: sugar, sex, internet, video games, books, shopping, risk are just a few examples. Our brains seek pleasure and tries to avoid pain. I don’t think we should seek pain, but growing as a person requires effort and some level of suffering. The way to success is hard. It hurts! So we try to escape that pain by staying inside of our comfort zones where we suffer anyways since life is never perfect.
As I watched Tom’s video tears ran down my cheeks and my heart clenched. Staying sober is one hundred percent worth it, yet it can be like going through flames while soul naked. Fire purifies, and it hurts like hell. We’re all struggling to be better, or at least to survive. I have always been grateful for my pain, but that doesn’t mean it didn’t break me inside. Tom truly bared his soul in front of the camera and showed how excruciating it can be to stay sober. He also reminded me how many people are struggling against addiction, how many of us are giving our all to conquer ourselves.
I dream of celebrating my third birthday. I was born August first, I was adopted September 29th, and the 8th of July will be the first sobriety anniversary. The third time I am reborn, and this time I am taking control over my life. I used to hate myself for so long. I felt like I deserved the pain, that suffering all the time was better than hoping and then falling into despair over and over again. Today, everything has changed. I love myself and I have so many plans for my future!
Yes, withdrawals are awful. They feel like you’re being torn into pieces, and your tired brain screams for you to return to the addiction. The numbness of addiction has to be better than this withdrawal, right? No. Breathe deeply. Beyond the withdrawal we will find the satisfaction of conquering ourselves. This is like a video game placed in the hardest level. It takes a while, but when you win? It feels like heaven.
We can do this. It might take a while, but we will definitely make it! I have faith in us.
Thank you so much for reading!
Please listen and support Tom McDonald’s work!
Podcast episodes:
Let’s Connect Monday: https://anchor.fm/bellemoon99/episodes/Lets-Connect-Monday-61---Morning-routines-e14anfs
Let’s be Kind Thursday: https://anchor.fm/bellemoon99/episodes/Lets-be-Kind-Thursday-56--Stillness-meditation-e14h2ja