Hello, Lovely Soul Drop!
One of the first things we learn to survive as human beings is to cry for help, literally. Humans are naturally gregarious, which means we need to socialize to stay alive. We were never meant to do everything by ourselves.
I understood all of this not so long ago. At home, I had three independent women who never felt like asking others for help. They took pride in standing by themselves, and I wanted to be the same. The issue is, sometimes you need to ask for help! Turns out I never learned how to ask for it.
My cries for help were unclear and sometimes even damaging for other people. I started by self-harming, which is an awful way of finding support from your loved ones. I got depressed, I forgot about taking care of myself, and in the end, I started thinking I didn’t deserve the help I so desperately needed.
Therapy helped me realize I do deserve others to aid me to get better. I deserve love, kindness, and support! Still, asking for emotional support is very difficult for me. I got angry, cried, and just tried to get my loved one’s attention. This wasn’t making me or anyone else feel better. Yes, I deserve the love and support. However, I need to ask for it properly.
Passive-aggressively letting others know I feel hurt is never useful. Just bursting into tears or getting angry without explaining what is really going on isn’t very helpful either! Thinking about it rationally it seems very obvious. Yet, how many times have you done that exact same thing instead of clearly stating what you feel and why you feel that way? Most of us just want to be understood, and we don’t always know how to make others comprehend what’s going on inside our minds.
Sometimes we can’t even understand what we are feeling! So, how can we explain it to others? There are moments in which we don’t know what we need. We just know we need someone to pay attention to us. This is why being compassionate towards ourselves and others is so important! We need to be patient with ourselves and the people around us.
What do we need to ask for help in a better way?
Humility: The first thing to ask for help in a positive way is accepting that it doesn’t make us any less than other people for doing so. It would be very arrogant to believe we can live entirely by ourselves without ever accepting others need to see our vulnerable side from time to time.
Courage: We are terrified to be vulnerable in front of others because we don’t want to feel pain. It’s entirely normal! Nevertheless, we need to trust our loved ones to truly live. Those who stay in fear never actually feel alive. Someone who admits they need help is someone brave.
Empathy: Asking for help must be done in a kind, gentle way. How would you feel if someone acted the same way you are acting? How would your loved one feel? If you take into consideration the other person’s emotions, you’ll get better results.
Patience: When we need help from our loved ones, we should think calmly about what we need. Take time to breathe, center yourself, and reflect on your problem. The clearer your mind is, the better you’ll be able to explain what’s wrong. If you calmly illustrate the issue, they can help you properly.
I will use these four values to learn how to ask my loved ones for help! I hope they are useful for you too.
Thank you for reading!!
Podcast episodes:
Let’s Connect Monday: https://anchor.fm/bellemoon99/episodes/Lets-Connect-Monday-53---Find-your-way-e10kaqs
Let’s be Kind Thursday: https://anchor.fm/bellemoon99/episodes/Lets-be-Kind-Thursday-48--Safe-space-meditation-evdrat