Hello, Lovely Soul Drop!
How are you feeling? Today I must admit I’m a little scared of the topic I wish to talk about. Ever since I can remember, I’ve been my own worst enemy. I fight to be happy, and then I fight for that happiness to disappear. I have always carried this feeling of guilt on my back, feeling like I’m not good enough, and that I don’t deserve anything good that has ever happened to me.
Many people told me, cheer up, you have so many amazing things! Yes, I did, and I still do. However, that didn’t help me feel better, because I thought I had stolen those great things from someone else that deserved them more. Now, instead of struggling to avoid happiness, I’m learning to love myself and to accept I do deserve joy in my life.
This process takes a lot of time, compassion, and patience! Just like you don’t fall in love with someone else overnight, you don’t fall in love with yourself that easily. I want you to know that you’re not alone! Even the most confident looking people doubt themselves sometimes. Here are 7 little things you can do to embrace both your shadows and your light.
1. See yourself as a friend: With this, I’m not only asking you to consider yourself a friend! I want you to imagine you’re someone else. Picture yourself in the shoes of a friend of yours. Ask them how they see you, and when you want to attack yourself, think of what they would say. Think of your most loving friend. Would they insult you? Would they blame you? How would they feel if they had the same problem you have, and you treated them like you treat yourself?
2. Talk with your demons: Sit down and think of the things you hate so much about yourself. Now, imagine them as actual beings. Get to know them. Questions like: What do you want? Why are you here? Will lead you to understand yourself better.
3. Lower the bar: We disappoint ourselves because we have ridiculously high expectations of what we are actually able to do. Instead of I want to read 20 books this year, try with I want to finish the book I’m reading right now.
4. Talk with your 10 year old self: What would you tell them? Hug them. What do they need to work on? Remember to be kind!
5. Allow yourself to break down: Set a schedule for yourself in which you’ll be able to break down. For example, this Saturday at 6 PM, I will have an entire hour to break down, cry, yell, and do whatever I need to do to feel better. I know how scary this can be, but once you calm down, you’ll see you have more control over your life than you thought.
6. Identify patterns and set new ones: We all have certain behaviors we repeat over and over. Keep a diary in which you identify which trigger made you feel what. What did you think? Take that thought another day you’re feeling better, and change it into something more positive. Next time you feel bad, read the modified version.
7. Instead of pessimism or optimism, go for meliorism: This term is the belief that the world is slowly getting better. Try to think you’re getting better every single day, you fail, you fall again, but you’re getting better. You don’t have to be perfectly OK or a total mess! You’re just getting better.
Remember, this process takes time, and professional help is sometimes needed to get the results we wish for. I hope these tips help a little!
The podcast episodes of the week:
Let’s Connect Monday: https://anchor.fm/bellemoon99/episodes/Lets-Connect-Monday-27--Lets-normalize-not-caring-what-normal-is-ekagie
Let’s be Kind Thursday: https://anchor.fm/bellemoon99/episodes/Lets-be-Kind-Thursday-25---Magic-Meditation-ekf68q