Hello, Lovely Soul Drop!!
We are not equal. No two humans are exactly the same. We are individuals, and in our differences, we have our background, genetics, life choices, and personality. I will list a bunch of labels and factors that don’t define me but influence my way of experiencing the world and shape my perspective to some degree: Venezuelan, female, disabled, chronically ill, borderline personality, bisexual, Gen-Z, XNFP (Brigg-Myers personality type), grew as an only child but have three half-siblings, adopted, polyglot, spiritual, Libertarian, etc. Do you know me perfectly now? Do you understand everything about me? Many people share those same labels with me but we aren’t exactly the same.
No two humans experience or view life in the same way. I know other adopted people and they experienced their adoption differently than I did. I know other people with fibromyalgia that don’t view the illness as I do. I know other young women who lost their fathers at a young age as I did, and even though we can relate to that experience more easily than others…we each had distinct ways of facing death and loss. Not even identical twins who have similar tastes and lifestyles are the same because their personal choices separate them.
Equity is an impossible concept due to these facts. Do you remember your time at school? Do you remember your classroom? As any teacher can tell you, all kids are different, have different capacities, different types of intelligence, different personalities, families, and choices. I wasn’t the only one with a personality disorder or a chronic illness in my classroom. I studied with an Autistic girl and with a girl who had something similar to Lupus. During physical activities we all had issues, but they were different. Some of the best athletes of the class also had physical issues that didn’t stop them from being great at that, but me? I was a disaster. A hot mess of a girl who never gave up. I made a humongous effort to keep up with my classmates. During academic activities? That was a whole other story. I graduated as the best in my class. I could understand faster than others, and I was considered to have an intelligence above average. My emotional and social intelligence on the other hand? They were both terrible. I spent my 15 years of school hating myself, with close to no real friendships, and felt miserable.
I was bullied for many years, and the teachers expected perfection from my grades…and I almost always delivered. Many of my classmates only talked to me when they wanted me to help them achieve better grades. I noticed that some girls were smarter than others, but some of them chose to party instead of studying so regardless of their intelligence they would fail or get worse grades than they would have if they studied. Equity talks about all students having the best grade at the end, but that’s impossible. Personal choices combined with our baseline (genes, background, IQ, things we can’t choose or control) determine our outcomes. I was an idiot when it came to math, so I had to study twice as hard when it came to it. Some girls were brilliant but never bothered to pay attention in class or do their work. So how can anyone expect 21 girls to get the same grades when they all work and choose differently? How could a whole country have the same income or lifestyle?
You can give everyone equal opportunities, but you will never get equal results. My father had a rough childhood, and despite his parents treating all of their four children the same, they all ended up very differently. My aunt had the chance to be rich, but she got into drugs and married a drug addict. That was her choice, and despite my father trying to help her he couldn’t because she didn’t want to change. One of my neighbors came from one of the richest families of the country, and he ended up living inside of a car because of drugs. Do I think it was entirely their fault to end up like that? No! Yet, personal responsibility and accountability must exist everywhere.
Humans are complex, and we aren’t easily understood. Governments that act like parents are usually terrible parents. They coddle society and very soon everyone is dependent of them. It’s never about helping, it ends up being about power and control. Yes, I have many things working against me and making it harder for me to succeed but I’m responsible for what do I do with what I have. Sometimes life is like playing a game. Partially it’s about luck (the cards you are dealt) but on the other hand, you are responsible to play the cards to win or lose. The game isn’t over until we die. I have seen drug addicts recover, and I have seen people who had all the chances to be successful fall from grace and crash.
I wish we could have a society that finds the balance between holding people accountable for their actions and their choices, and at the same time gives chances to those who want to improve and fix their past mistakes to do so. Is not my fault I was born disabled, it was lucky I was adopted into a good loving family with economic stability, but it’s in my hands to choose what to do next. Some people fight to improve, others are lazy, others don’t know how, and others choose the easy way out even if it hurts others or themselves.
Humans aren’t perfect, but we can’t treat adults like poor helpless victims that have no control over their lives…because that’s not true. Even if you manage to have a society where second chances are possible, where everyone has the same opportunities, and everyone is able to reach their full potential…the results will never ever look the same. Some will achieve better “grades” or results and some will fail and fall behind.
We aren’t equal. We aren’t the same. We are all different, and that’s not necessarily a bad thing. A society that tries to give everyone the same results ends with everyone failing. It’s easier to pull more successful people down than to make unsuccessful people successful. That takes hard work. I don’t believe in equity not because I hate others, or because I see myself as superior. I don’t support equity because life and humans don’t work that way. The road to hell is paved with good intentions. I’m still an Empath. I feel for killers and don’t see them as monsters, but they must pay for what they did. I felt bad for those classmates who never studied, but I didn’t have to gift them my hard work because they didn’t want to do so themselves regardless of the reasons behind their choices. I believe kindness and objectivity must coexist, and maybe one day we will be able to reach a balance.
We can't control what others do unless we take away their free will, so focus on yourself. Let's grow together, and be the change we want for the world. It starts with changing ourselves. Are you ready?
Thank you so much for reading!
Podcast episodes:
Let’s Connect Monday: https://anchor.fm/bellemoon99/episodes/Lets-Connect-Monday-91--Find-your-way-e1k7kut
Let’s be Kind Thursday: https://anchor.fm/bellemoon99/episodes/Lets-be-Kind-Thursday-87--Broken-warriors-are-still-warriors-e1mcv3s