Hello, Lovely Soul Drop !! I wanted to learn so many things and I ended up learning something I hadn't planned! Something way more useful than playing the violin or talking Hungarian (I'm still working on those though). My #QuarantineLearning was about making my relationships healthier.
As someone with BPD or Borderline Personality Disorder my brain tends to see everything as black and white which ends up in me making the wrong assumptions and arriving to the wrong conclusions. I'm in the process of learning to see greys in life and to know not everything is so clear or extreme.
Here are 3 things (of many more) you should do to make your relationships healthier !
1. Be open and clear when you communicate: What do I mean by this? In order to have a healthy relationship with anyone you have to be open and clear about the message you're trying to give. You can't read minds! They can't either! Instead of just hoping they understand your "obvious" signals try telling them directly what you feel. Be as honest as you can, if you're hurt, show them you're hurt and why. If you're angry, don't try to hide it turning into a passive agressive behaviour, just tell them you're upset! Sometimes we think by faking a smile we're solving the issue, instead, we're just making it bigger.
2. Don't try to be the hero: We want our loved ones to be happy, to keep them safe, and to put a strong façade for them. Sadly, that usually leads to trouble. You're no wonder human, you're an amazing but still regular and limited human being. Instead of pretending you have no needs or that you can do everything by yourself, let them help you. They will feel just as happy to help you as you feel helping them! You just need to let them know what you need, let them know when you need to rest or when you need their company.
3. Forgiving yourself is as important as asking for your loved one's forgiveness : When we make a mistake we feel awful because we have made our loved one feel bad! But if we beat ourselves up about it, they will only feel worse. Tell them you're sorry, do everything you can to fix it, but at the same time...remind yourself you're only human and that's okay to make mistakes.
This is what I have learned so far! I hope it can also help you get closer to those you love.
With much love,
Bel.