Hello, Lovely Soul Drop!!
How are you feeling? Today, the pain is stronger than usual, I’m foggy, and I’m exhausted. I feel like sometimes we want to give far more than we actually can. Yes, we can limit ourselves by selling ourselves too short…but other times we act like we are super humans with extraordinary powers that go beyond our nature. Turns out, I’m not wonder woman, and the only supernatural thing about me is how I bump into things so often without ever having bruises to show later.
I feel like I’m not enough because I’m not volunteering, with a stable job, earning a lot, and helping everyone around me while saving the world. Does that mean that most people are not enough? How many can actually do everything and anything without a single mistake? Would I ask anyone else what I ask of myself? Probably not. I feel like I’m not enough when I can’t do what others can because of the chronic pain and fatigue. It angers me so much. Is it my fault? Not really…I’m super compassionate with my other chronically ill friends, so why not with me?
As I wrote those words I broke down crying. It felt terrible…and at the same time it felt so good. I needed to cry. I needed to break down. I feel way better now, and at peace with my situation. Is it horrible? Yes, 100% the situation is terrible. It doesn’t mean things won’t get better or that I’m weak for feeling like this. I’m not supposed to be anything other than I am right now. I’m trying my best…and that’s the best anyone can do (Yes, Pinocchio reference there).
Peace isn’t never finding a storm, it’s being able to face the storm, acknowledge the fear, the anger, the frustration, and then work with it. I was terrified of feeling negative emotions because I could fall into a dark pit and never come out. Turns out, feeling them isn’t a death sentence. I can feel them, and then let them go. This is how I survive. My positive output of life is not based on never feeling anything bad…is about allowing myself to break down with the certainty I will build myself back together.
I’m growing, I’m learning, I’m a human being, and so are you. We don’t have to be famous, travel around the world, have 5 charities, and earn millions to be successful. Success can be to build yourself back together each time you fall apart. That’s more than enough sometimes. The world doesn’t revolve around us, so it won’t fall apart if we are lost, if we need help, if we are struggling, and that is so liberating.
I hope this helped you at least a bit, and if you have someone who might benefit from reading then please share it to them. My goal with my blog, podcast, newsletter, and my work in general is to help others. I want to be a light in the dark, because I’m surrounded by people who act like lights that keep me warm.
Thank you so much! Here are links to those things I mentioned.
With much love, Belle Moon
Podcast: https://anchor.fm/bellemoon99/episodes/Lets-Connect-Monday-110--Lets-break-our-jail-e1snpc1